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Title:Walking in Circles Before Lying Down
Format Type:Ebook
Author:
Publisher:Villard
ISBN:140006483X
ISBN 13:
Number of Pages:279
Category:Fiction, Dogs, Chick lit, Animals, Humor

Walking in Circles Before Lying Down by Merrill Markoe

PDF, EPUB, MOBI, TXT, DOC Walking in Circles Before Lying Down Dawn Tarnauer s life isn t exactly a success story Already twice divorced the young Californian is too busy job hopping to start a career her current boyfriend insists on living off the grid her Life Coach sister perpetually interferes with incomprehensible affirmations her eccentric mother is busy promoting the culmination of her life s work The Every Holiday Tree and her father is ending his brief third marriage while scheduling two dates for the same night .

Dawn s only source of security and comfort it seems is Chuck a pit bull mix from the pound So when her boyfriend announces that he s leaving her for another woman a despairing Dawn turns to Chuck for solace I should have said something sooner Chuck confides as he tries to console her Couldn t you smell her on his pants Dawn is stunned It s one thing to talk to your pets but what do you do when they start talking back It s not just Chuck either she can hear all dogs and man s best friend has a lot to say The ever enthusiastic Chuck offers his tried and true advice on the merits of knocking over garbage and strewing it everywhere auxiliary competitive peeing etiquette and the curative powers of tossing a ball Doubtful of her own sanity Dawn considers that in the ways of life and love it might be better to trust Chuck s doggie instincts instead of her own .

Filled with sharp wit biting humor and canine conversation that would make Doctor Dolittle s jaw drop Merrill Markoe s engaging cleverly written novel is about the confusing search for love and the divine acts of dog

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What the Dogs Have Taught Me: And Other Amazing Things I've Learned, How to Be Hap-Hap-Happy Like Me!, Late Night with David Letterman: The Book, The Day My Dogs Became Guys, Nose Down, Eyes Up, Cool, Calm & Contentious, Merrill Markoe's Guide to Love, It's My F---ing Birthday, The Psycho Ex Game, Walking in Circles Before Lying Down
Award winning comedy writer Merrill Markoe the slightly warped mind behind b Stupid Pet Tricks b is an old hand with dogs She knows who s boss they are and the myriad ways a loving pet can make you feel guilty twenty four hours a day This new edition of Merrill Markoe s classic collection of humorous essays gives readers the choicest selections along with brand new material br br In these razor sharp essays Markoe recounts her dogs phone chats with animal communicators her search for past lives and her brief stint as a stun gun saleswoman She describes the workshop that taught her how to launch an Internet porn business and another that gave proper instruction in the esoteric art of becoming a dominatrix br br She shares insight into what it is like to structure your day using only dog rules how to spot a really horrible restaurant and what it s like to have a romantic dinner with Fabio There s even a bright side to preparing for the apocalypse At last it is time to forget about fat grams and low cholesterol This enchantingly rambunctious and boundlessly enjoyable book gives you Merrill Markoe at her best You ll devour it in one sitting and so may your pet, Perpetually interested in self improvement the author of What the Dogs Have Taught Me is back and funnier than ever By reading my book you can become happier without ever having to leave the comfort and security of your own private hell she writes In How to Be Hap Hap Happy Like Me Merrill Markoe has undertaken the arduous task of actually carrying out the best how to be happy suggestions from the wisest of all possible sources of advice the Days to a Happier Life Desk Calendar So abandon the pursuit of happiness sit back and extend a social invitation to someone you ve always been afraid to approach and share Merrill s unforgettable dinner with Fabio take the time to improve your knowledge of another period of history while dining with Merrill at the Medieval Times Dinner and Tournament Restaurant franchise where the year is A D and you are the guests of the royal castle plan a party and invite the people you care about in which you watch Merrill answer the door in her pajamas and pretend the party was yesterday enroll in a class or lecture that interests you accompanying Merrill to a session of Dominatrix at the Learning Annex Where else can you discover the beauty secrets of someone who is not so genetically perfect that her advice is completely useless or How to Please a Man Every Time and Have Him Okay Maybe Not Beg for More but at Least Not Demand a Whole Lot Less Markoe is that rare soul who will unselfishly share with you these and many other secrets of how to live a not totally nightmarish life And even if you don t learn anything this book will make you laugh which is more happiness than you can get from most desk calendars, At forty seven Gil is the world s oldest twenty two year old man living in relative contentment with his four dogs including the alpha Jimmy When he stumbles upon Jimmy delivering lectures on canine manipulative techniques to the rest of the dogs in the neighborhood Gil s not particularly surprised and his eyes light up with dollar signs But their money making venture has barely begun when chatty canine Jimmy realizes the shocking truth He s adopted And not only is Gil not his real father they re not even the same species In the identity crisis that ensues Gil hears the last thing he wants his favorite dog to say Jimmy wants to be reunited with his birth mother a bitch owned by Gil s sexy ex wife now remarried and living in Malibu Could things get worse Apparently yes, It s My F ing Birthday unfolds in seven state of my life addresses a hapless high school art teacher writes to herself on consecutive birthdays Through outrageously funny years of needling parents self absorbed boy friends riots O J and Monica she navigates a circuitous and ultimately successful route to happiness in a world where everything seems to conspire to the contrary